Day 06: My worst cooking disaster involved _____________ and this person/these people…
My worst cooking disaster? There are so many! I can cook, and I can bake, but I have had many incidents over the years. If I get even remotely distracted (which I do often) it’s all over. It took me months to realise that I couldn’t leave the kitchen to go read a book on the couch and successfully remember when to get back in time (I’m brighter than I sound, I promise!).
I’ve written recently about a custard making mission (https://sleepandsalami.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/custard-catastrophe/) that turned into a minor disaster – but there are so many others.
Some aren’t even my fault! The day the oven element blew while I had Boeuf Bourguignon on the stove and an apple ricotta cake baking inside? That was just a complete waste of food! Chaos just seems to follow me around. Even the easy bake stuff can be a bit of a nightmare. When I was house sitting many years ago, I took a microwave meal to the house only to realise that they didn’t own a microwave. Like a fool, I put the plastic container in the oven. When I pulled it out it folded in half and bam! Lasagne everywhere! I was so lucky that I wasn’t barefoot because I would have been badly burnt. As it was, that was hours of cleaning their kitchen. Cheese everywhere!
However, my worst cooking disaster involved STORE BOUGHT GARLIC BREAD and MY BOYFRIEND. We went and bought a pizza and some nibbles, with two garlic breads that needed heating up. We got home, one of us (we have no memory of this) put them in the oven and we promptly forgot about them (like responsible adults (shut up, stop laughing)). About 3 hours later, I started to notice that our little apartment was getting a bit hazy. I couldn’t quite see properly at a distance, and my eyes were stinging. I still couldn’t smell anything though! After about a minute of conversation – we remembered the garlic bread. Because we were in an apartment, we couldn’t just open the oven. If the fire alarm went off and the building had to be evacuated there was a large fine to pay so we had to be clever about this. All the windows were opened, oven mitts were at the ready, the balcony was prepped, one of us had a tea towel and the fan was set up.
The mission was accomplished with absolute precision, open the oven, aim the fan, grab the bread, run outside with it while the other person followed waving a tea towel around like a BOSS.
They were just two charcoal bricks. Completely black. You couldn’t even tell where the foil started and ended, it was that bad.
What can I say, we make a good team of disastrous cooks!
Update: I tried pikelets this morning and it turned out that I didn’t stir the batter enough!
Note to self- check for lumps before pouring!