Dear Sleep and Salami,
I know you better now than you know yourself – but even then there are questions I can’t answer for you. I’ll try but I think there might be things neither of us are meant to know. This letter is going to be a bit of a jumble but hopefully it makes sense 😉
Life’s a bit difficult for you right now, I know. You have amazing friends, amazing parents but something just doesn’t quite feel right. You wish you were more glamorous, you wish you were cooler than you think you are. You obsess over people’s throwaway criticisms, never entirely sure what you’re doing wrong or what you do that’s so different to everyone else.
Sadly, that feeling won’t change for quite some time. You will struggle to fit in, you’ll try to change yourself to fit in. You will be “cool” for a short period of time but that skin won’t fit – you’ll try so hard to make it fit, but it won’t. It’ll itch, irritate and you will be forced to shed it for your more natural demeanour. As you try to find yourself, your relationship with your parents and your family will erode until you slowly build it back up. You will always regret the pain you cause them – but it will be essential in shaping you.
Eventually it will become clear that the people who you are the most comfortable with are those that like you the way you are. The ones that appreciate your goofiness, your sense of humour, your almost Bridget Jones-like ability to screw things up. These people will think of you as sensible, intelligent. Your best friend will one day tell you that she looks up to you and constantly wonders what you would do in certain situations (WWS&SD). You’ll never quite understand it, and honestly for years and years you’ll suffer from “Imposter syndrome” where you keep expecting someone to pop out of the woodwork, pointing their fingers and accusing you of being absolutely useless.
The dreams you have at the moment won’t come true. The fact of the matter is that you will continue to be a champion procrastinator. Even now, I am procrastinating by writing you this letter. This habit will interfere with you actually doing as well as you’d hoped. Your family will be consistently disappointed in the fact that you won’t do what they wanted for you because you’re too busy drinking and partying and trying desperately to be “cool”. Instead, you will forge another path altogether. You will stop being a party animal and will settle. You will manage, somewhat miraculously, to pull some amazing feats out of your ass overnight and become successful in your chosen path. A different path, but one which will allow you freedom – of thought, time and space. You will work hard. Unbelievably so at times, but you’ll also spend a lot of time fluffing around and (there’s that word again!) procrastinating. It will become clear to you in your late twenties that you need to stop fighting your short attention span embrace projects that are not long-term binding contracts (you’re built for short bursts of energy and work, accept this and things will become easier for you) – and you’ll start searching for something that suits your personality.
You will initially find romance difficult – as with those fragile false friendships, you will try to change yourself and that will be too difficult. It’s just not sustainable. You will find your soul mate young, although it’s only in hindsight that you’ll realise how lucky you are. It will take some time to settle into a comfortable relationship, but you will come to accept how important it is and how happy that comfort makes you. Peace and contentment will be within your reach.
The only thing that will keep surprising you is others’ perception of you.
It turns out that no matter how shy, embarrassed, inadequate you feel, people will always think of you as “stuck up”. you will eventually start accepting this and running with it. Stick your nose in the air and fuck ’em! At one point someone will tell you, in a rather spiteful fit, that you think you’re better than everyone else.
They couldn’t be more wrong, and they’ll reduce you to tears, but years later you’ll look back and realise that actually – you are better than that person. You’ll realise you don’t need to impress people like that. You’ll realise you have all you need and you’ll know whose opinion matters.
It might not always seem like it, but you’ll be absolutely fine. Your most important relationship is always going to be with yourself – as long as you remember that, you’re good to go!
There’s always room for improvement, though 😉
Day 25 — My biggest pet peeve that has nothing to do with blogging, being online, computers or anything else related to the Internet is…
I have so many peeves. They aren’t even pets anymore, they’re just so varied and they multiply every day! I’m like one of those old people muttering “Get off my lawn!” to people who are barely a few years younger than me. I’ll just have to list stuff until I can identify exactly which one annoys me more.
- Bad parking. If you don’t manage to stay within the lines STRAIGHTEN YOUR CAR..
- Leggings as pants. If I can see your underwear through your tights THEY’RE NOT WORKING.
- People who cut the queue.
- Loud cellphone talkers.
- People who are rude to waitresses/ retail workers etc
- People who get into the elevators to go up or down one floor (I work on the 12th floor. It makes it really hard to get up and down when we have to stop at every level).
- Loud breathers and loud chewers – once I fixate on the sound I want to KEEL YOU.
- Racism. Don’t get me started.
- Actually, any -ism.
- Slow walkers – this isn’t a Sunday stroll, move your butt.
- Fast walkers who suddenly stop to answer their phone – my momentum is not also answering the phone, I’m going to slam into you.
- I do think the winner is: My procrastination – you’d think I’d do something to change it but instead I just do it more and then get really angry with myself.
How sad is it that my biggest pet peeve is myself?
What this tells me is that I need to read that meditation book I got out from the library so I can be a bit calmer.
I’ll let you all know how it goes.
Day 17 — There are many mysteries in the universe. If there were one truth I could learn, it would be…
These questions are quite difficult aren’t they? I mean the answer for most of the questions would be the age-old internet classic “All of them!”
I want to know everything.
However, if I’m restricted to one mystery, I would like to know about souls and death.
(I’d like the freedom to expand my questions, into something of an essay format.)
How are they created? Where do they go? Do ghosts exist? Poltergeists? Are they angry/ happy/ sad/ lost/ vengeful?
What happens to us? Do we all meet again? Does hell exist? Is it personal or is it generic? Everyone gets fire and brimstone, or we all have a specially tailored nightmare?
So! Many! Questions!
Day 07 — I went to see a psychic, and was given the opportunity to ask three questions – I would ask…
This is just too difficult. I always want to know what’s going to happen. Surprises are awesome when I don’t know they’re coming, but suspense is something that I struggle with.
I was the kid poking holes in the Christmas presents trying to guess what they were, begging my parents for clues.
In my teens I developed a system for predicting the future where I would flip a coin twice and if the answer was the same both times then that was true and if it was different I wasn’t ready/ allowed to know yet.
I had some issues with always wanting to know.
I’m still a little like that, so right now the question would actually be what wouldn’t I ask the psychic??? I’d still be terrified of hearing something that I don’t want to know though. The most important things I would want to know right this minute are probably:
- Will I graduate?
- Will I make the move overseas I’m planning?
- Will I ever be as financially successful as I would like to be? (This is a tricky one because I have a very specific number in mind!)
So, I don’t want to know much. Just, you know, everything.
Oh, except for life or death questions – I never, ever want to know those. I have to draw a wobbly line somewhere!
Day 05 — This is embarrassing but on average I cause the toilet to overflow about this many times a year because of deposits I made…
I haven’t been looking forward to this quesion very much, this is mortifying, but I’m going to be honest. This doesn’t happen to me, but it has on one occasion and it was the most embarrassing experience ever. Ever. I have two “most embarrassing experiences” and this one is right up there.
I was a young, impressionable (I thought) lady in a fledgling relationship with a gentleman who had no awareness of my bodily functions (Women don’t poop! Or sweat (they glooooooow)! Or fart (they’re love puffs, I swear)!).
I was forced one day (after much panicking, hand wringing and agonising) to go fetch said gentleman and admit that I had blocked his parents’ loo and flooded their bathroom.
His whole family got involved in the subsequent unblocking and cleaning. I had to stand there while his dad wrapped his hand in plastic and got right in there.
I’m going to stop there because I actually can’t talk about it anymore. I’m cringing too much.
I work in a hospital and deal with post-operative cardiac patients on a regular basis. I had the pleasure (for blogfodder)/ shock/ misfortune/ horror of seeing someone readmitted today two weeks after his original surgery.
I’ll just lay out some background for you:
- The sternum is broken and opened for access during cardiac surgery. THIS WAS NOT A KEYHOLE OPERATION.
- The sternum is wired shut and the skin sewn up when they’re done.
- Patients are advised not to lift any more than 2 kilos for 6 weeks.
- They are advised not to drive because of the chance of hurting themselves and their wound for a minimum of 4 weeks.
This genius of a man came back in for a sternal rewiring because at two weeks post-op, so only about 1 week after leaving hospital, he picked up a bag of cement.The internet reliably (ha!) informs me that the weight of the cement bag was not 2kg. Maybe more like 25kg.
Poor health choices, man whose chest ripped open, poor health choices.
Beautiful girl: It’s so hard being beautiful, you know, nobody takes me seriously.
Friend: I know exactly what you mean.
Humblebrag much? I’m going to venture, gingerly, out onto this comfy limb here, ladies, and say that people probably aren’t taking you seriously because you say nonsense like that.