- One thing that made me happy – All the socialising I did today in addition to working.
- One thing I’m grateful for – The opportunity to see an amazing piece of artwork (actually, many, but one in particular) that was absolutely inspirational!
- One thing I did for someone else – Drove out of my way to spend time with them – but honestly, we all won in this scenario because it was just so much fun!
In the car, Roy Lichtenstein
Dear Sleep and Salami,
I know you better now than you know yourself – but even then there are questions I can’t answer for you. I’ll try but I think there might be things neither of us are meant to know. This letter is going to be a bit of a jumble but hopefully it makes sense 😉
Life’s a bit difficult for you right now, I know. You have amazing friends, amazing parents but something just doesn’t quite feel right. You wish you were more glamorous, you wish you were cooler than you think you are. You obsess over people’s throwaway criticisms, never entirely sure what you’re doing wrong or what you do that’s so different to everyone else.
Sadly, that feeling won’t change for quite some time. You will struggle to fit in, you’ll try to change yourself to fit in. You will be “cool” for a short period of time but that skin won’t fit – you’ll try so hard to make it fit, but it won’t. It’ll itch, irritate and you will be forced to shed it for your more natural demeanour. As you try to find yourself, your relationship with your parents and your family will erode until you slowly build it back up. You will always regret the pain you cause them – but it will be essential in shaping you.
Eventually it will become clear that the people who you are the most comfortable with are those that like you the way you are. The ones that appreciate your goofiness, your sense of humour, your almost Bridget Jones-like ability to screw things up. These people will think of you as sensible, intelligent. Your best friend will one day tell you that she looks up to you and constantly wonders what you would do in certain situations (WWS&SD). You’ll never quite understand it, and honestly for years and years you’ll suffer from “Imposter syndrome” where you keep expecting someone to pop out of the woodwork, pointing their fingers and accusing you of being absolutely useless.
The dreams you have at the moment won’t come true. The fact of the matter is that you will continue to be a champion procrastinator. Even now, I am procrastinating by writing you this letter. This habit will interfere with you actually doing as well as you’d hoped. Your family will be consistently disappointed in the fact that you won’t do what they wanted for you because you’re too busy drinking and partying and trying desperately to be “cool”. Instead, you will forge another path altogether. You will stop being a party animal and will settle. You will manage, somewhat miraculously, to pull some amazing feats out of your ass overnight and become successful in your chosen path. A different path, but one which will allow you freedom – of thought, time and space. You will work hard. Unbelievably so at times, but you’ll also spend a lot of time fluffing around and (there’s that word again!) procrastinating. It will become clear to you in your late twenties that you need to stop fighting your short attention span embrace projects that are not long-term binding contracts (you’re built for short bursts of energy and work, accept this and things will become easier for you) – and you’ll start searching for something that suits your personality.
You will initially find romance difficult – as with those fragile false friendships, you will try to change yourself and that will be too difficult. It’s just not sustainable. You will find your soul mate young, although it’s only in hindsight that you’ll realise how lucky you are. It will take some time to settle into a comfortable relationship, but you will come to accept how important it is and how happy that comfort makes you. Peace and contentment will be within your reach.
The only thing that will keep surprising you is others’ perception of you.
It turns out that no matter how shy, embarrassed, inadequate you feel, people will always think of you as “stuck up”. you will eventually start accepting this and running with it. Stick your nose in the air and fuck ’em! At one point someone will tell you, in a rather spiteful fit, that you think you’re better than everyone else.
They couldn’t be more wrong, and they’ll reduce you to tears, but years later you’ll look back and realise that actually – you are better than that person. You’ll realise you don’t need to impress people like that. You’ll realise you have all you need and you’ll know whose opinion matters.
It might not always seem like it, but you’ll be absolutely fine. Your most important relationship is always going to be with yourself – as long as you remember that, you’re good to go!
There’s always room for improvement, though 😉
- One thing that made me happy – So many things, today.
- One thing I’m grateful for – A new beginning (officially), my paycheck, my partner, my appetite.
- One thing I did for someone else – Lots of stuff today actually – did some work on my day off because people needed it, bought someone lunch, listened – everything.
Today was an important day for me. I can’t go into details, but it made me very happy and a little emotional. I also celebrated by having a fabulously delicious lunch, by shopping for a lovely new wardrobe and just generally enjoying myself left and right!
- One thing that made me happy – Knowing I had the next day off work!
- One thing I’m grateful for – Sandwiches. I love sandwiches.
- One thing I did for someone else – Got out of bed, in my pajamas and spent 45 minutes driving around in the middle of the night to pick someone from a train station after a train delay.
Insane! Someone slipped off the platform and fell under the train today – unbelievably, the man survived with just a couple of scratches. I got all of this second hand as I’d been waiting for my boyfriend to come home (by train!) when he started freaking out over the phone about it – it happened right by his window and him and he and the conductor saw the whole thing. It took a fair while to sort it out and the lucky, LUCKY man was so drunk he probably didn’t even notice how close he came to losing his life but OMG.
I know I’m repeating myself but it was absolutely incredible. It really makes you think!
- One thing that made me happy – Meeting my parents for lunch – it’s always good when I get to spend time with them!
- One thing I’m grateful for – TV on Demand. Thank you, broadband! Thank you, streaming! I’ll actually make this a double whammy and go with IT’S FRIDAY! WHAT’S NOT TO BE GRATEFUL FOR??!!
- One thing I did for someone else – Bought my parents lunch, does that count?
You know, this whole thing worries me because I don’t feel like I do enough for people. I thought that before and now I feel like I’m really reaching to find something I’ve done for someone sometimes. Shit, these things really make you think. Well, me think. I mean, I do little things like fetch drinks and buy coffees but I still feel like I need grand gestures!
This week as a whole has been interesting to say the least. May is definitely an improvement on April, thank goodness!